Discover how late-diagnosed autistic and ADHD women can unlearn internalised ableism, embrace authenticity, and lead with confidence. Join the Empauher Retreat.
Unlearning Internalised Ableism as a Late-Diagnosed Woman in Leadership
For many late-diagnosed autistic and ADHD women, leadership comes with a quiet contradiction.
You’ve achieved success through resilience, empathy, and adaptability — yet beneath that competence, there’s often exhaustion, self-doubt, and the persistent feeling that you’ve been performing a version of yourself just to fit in.
That’s not a personal flaw.
It’s often the result of internalised ableism, the silent belief that your natural way of thinking, feeling, or leading is somehow wrong.
What Is Ableism?
Ableism is discrimination in favour of non-disabled or neurotypical people. It’s the assumption that everyone should function in the same “normal” way — a way that rewards consistency, social ease, and emotional neutrality over creativity, depth, and sensitivity.
In leadership spaces, ableism shows up subtly but pervasively: the idea that a great leader is always extroverted, endlessly available, and calm under pressure — regardless of burnout or sensory overload.
When you’ve spent your career navigating those expectations, it’s easy to internalise them — to believe that your neurodivergent traits are weaknesses rather than unique sources of insight, innovation, and integrity.
What Does Internalised Ableism Look Like for Late-Diagnosed Women?
Internalised ableism happens when we unconsciously absorb ableist ideas about our own worth and abilities.
For women who receive an autism or ADHD diagnosis later in life, it often appears as guilt for “missing the signs,” shame about needing accommodations, or disbelief that your success was achieved while masking who you truly are.
Recognising this isn’t about self-blame. It’s an act of liberation. When you name internalised ableism, you begin to separate your authentic self from the impossible standards imposed by others.
10 Signs You Might Be Experiencing Internalised Ableism as a Leader
- You overwork to prove your worth — driving yourself to exhaustion to justify your place.
- You feel guilty for needing adjustments — believing support means weakness.
- You downplay your needs — apologising for what makes you thrive.
- You minimise or hide your diagnosis — fearing it will be misunderstood.
- You take pride in masking — even when it leaves you drained.
- You compare yourself to neurotypical leaders — using their pace as your measure of success.
- You feel alone at the top — rarely meeting other neurodivergent women in leadership.
- You worry about seeming “unprofessional” — constantly second-guessing tone and boundaries.
- You interpret burnout as failure — rather than a signal of systemic imbalance.
- You achieve on paper but still feel unseen — because authenticity never felt safe.
A late diagnosis can feel like heartbreak adn an epiphany. Suddenly, your life makes sense, but so does the exhaustion.
You realise how much energy you’ve spent performing, adapting, and overcompensating. Yet with that awareness comes freedom: the opportunity to redefine leadership on your own terms.
Authentic leadership doesn’t mean fitting in, it means leading in a way that honours your energy, communication style, and values.
When you start to unlearn internalised ableism, you stop performing leadership and begin embodying it.
How to Begin Unlearning Internalised Ableism
- Reframe your narrative. You didn’t succeed despite being neurodivergent — you succeeded because of your unique perspective, empathy, and creative thinking.
- Redefine success. Let your version of achievement include rest, boundaries, and balance.
- Name your needs. Accommodations aren’t indulgent — they’re access tools for sustainability.
- Find your community. Connection with other neurodivergent women leaders brings perspective, belonging, and strength.
- Model change. When you lead authentically, you make space for others to do the same.
Reclaiming Leadership on Your Own Terms
Unlearning internalised ableism is both personal and political. It’s not just about feeling better, it’s about reshaping what leadership looks like in a world that wasn’t built for us.
At Empauher, we support late-diagnosed and neurodivergent women in leadership to do exactly that, through coaching, workplace inclusion programmes, and retreats that centre authenticity, self-acceptance, and sustainable success.
🌿 The Empauher Retreat ‘Unmasking Authentically’
If you’re ready to explore these themes more deeply, join us for the Empauher Retreat: Unmasking Authentically — a 3-night transformative coaching retreat for neurodivergent and LGBTQIA+ professionals who are ready to reconnect with their true selves and rest into authenticity.
Location: St Blane’s House, Kilchattan Bay, Isle of Bute, Scotland
Length: 3 nights / 3 days
Across three days of guided workshops, restorative practices, and community connection, you’ll:
- Release internalised ableism and perfectionism
- Reconnect with your authentic leadership identity
- Build self-trust and confidence in your neurodivergent strengths
- Create space for reflection, rest, and renewal
If you’re a late-diagnosed autistic or ADHD woman in leadership, it’s time to stop performing strength and start embodying authenticity.
🌿 Join the Empauher Retreat: Unmasking Authentically — a 3-night immersive experience designed for neurodivergent and LGBTQIA+ professionals who are ready to release internalised ableism, reconnect with their true selves, and rest into authentic leadership.
💬 Learn more about Empauher’s mission: https://empauher.com/
📅 Book a 1:1 coaching call with Ginny Evans-Pollard: Schedule your session here to explore how Empauher Coaching can support you in leading with confidence, self-trust, and sustainable success.
Authenticity isn’t rebellion — it’s revolution. Unlearn the rules that never served you and lead in a way that honours who you truly are.
Discover how late-diagnosed autistic and ADHD women can unlearn internalised ableism, embrace authenticity, and lead with confidence. Join the Empauher Retreat: Unmasking Authentically or connect with Ginny Evans-Pollard for 1:1 coaching to redefine leadership on your terms.
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