Perfectionism at work: how it does is present for neurodiverse women leaders?

Who Does Perfectionism Show Up For?

Perfectionism tends to show up in:

• High-performing professionals
• People in visible or leadership roles, navigating underrepresentation
• women in leadership
• Neurodivergent individuals who have learned to mask or overcompensate

For women in leadership, there’s often an added layer:

• Being more scrutinised
• Feeling the need to prove competence repeatedly
• Navigating double standards (too direct vs too soft, confident vs “too much”)
• So perfectionism becomes a strategy:

“If I get this exactly right, I can’t be questioned.”

What Does It Look Like in Leadership?

At the leadership level, perfectionism doesn’t always look like over-editing a document.
It shows up as:

• Over-preparing for meetings or presentations
• Hesitating to share ideas unless fully formed
• Rehearsing how to communicate decisions to avoid misinterpretation
• Taking on too much responsibility instead of delegating
• Avoiding visible risk unless success feels guaranteed
• From the outside: composed, capable, “on top of everything”
• From the inside: constant pressure to not slip

When Does It Intensify?

Perfectionism spikes in moments of:

• High visibility (presenting, leading meetings, public speaking)
• Decision-making under uncertainty
• Performance evaluation or feedback
• Stepping into new or more senior roles
• For women in leadership, these moments can carry an additional internal narrative:

“If I get this wrong, it confirms doubt.”

So the threshold for “ready” becomes unrealistically high.

Why Does It Lead to Task Paralysis?

The paradox

The more someone cares about doing something well, the harder it can become to start.
The internal loop:

“This matters,  I need to get it right.”

I don’t have complete clarity yet.”

“If I get it wrong, it reflects on my capability.”

Delaying the start is task paralysis.

And in leadership roles, it often shows up as:

• Delayed decision-making
• Holding back ideas
• Over-researching before acting
• Waiting for certainty that doesn’t exist
• It’s not about lack of ability.
• It’s about risk management at a psychological level.

The Double Bind for Women in Leadership

Workplace dynamics often reinforce perfectionism

• When mistakes are remembered more than successes
• When confidence is judged differently depending on who shows it
• When being “good” isn’t always enough — you have to be exceptional

This creates a pattern:

• Over-deliver to stay credible
• Overthink to avoid missteps
• Overwork to maintain standards

And underneath it all: very little room to be in progress

What is the Cost?  A Common Cycle: From Perfectionism to Burnout

Perfectionism → Task Paralysis → Overcompensation → Exhaustion:

• Delay starting because it doesn’t feel ready
• Pressure builds
• Deliver at a high standard anyway
• Internalise the stress
• Repeat

Over time, this leads to:

• Burnout
• Decision fatigue
• Reduced innovation
• Less delegation (and more pressure on self)

And crucially: leaders become known for holding everything together, rather than creating space for others to grow

What Actually Helps Without Lowering Standards?

This isn’t about “doing less” or “caring less.” It’s about changing the relationship to starting, visibility, and imperfection.
1. Redefine “ready”
Ready doesn’t mean complete
It means clear enough to begin

2. Normalise visible thinking
Share ideas earlier:
Say: “This is a working thought”
Allow contribution before perfection
This shifts leadership from performance → collaboration

• 3. Break the task before it breaks you. Instead of:“Prepare strategy presentation” Try:
• Outline 3 key points
• Draft rough structure
• Add detail later
• Small starts reduce paralysis.

4. Time-box decisions:
Give yourself a set window to think
Then decide with the information available
Leadership is rarely about perfect decisions —
It’s about the timely ones

5. Reduce isolation

Use

1. peer thinking spaces/body doubling
2. Sense-check ideas early
3. Externalise the process
4. Perfectionism grows in silence.

6. Reflect, don’t self-criticise

Use:

• What? What happened?
• So What? What did I learn?
• Now What? What will I adjust?
• This builds confidence through iteration, not perfection.

A Reframe for Women in Leadership: Perfectionism is often framed as a personal trait.
But in many cases, it’s a response to systemic pressure. So the question isn’t:
“Why am I like this?”
It’s:
“What expectations am I navigating — and which ones are actually mine?”

Final Thought

Perfectionism can look like strength in leadership.
But often, it’s a sign of how much someone is carrying, visibility, responsibility, and the pressure not to get it wrong.
And the shift isn’t about lowering the bar. It’s about creating space where leaders, especially women,  don’t have to be perfect to be trusted. Because real leadership isn’t built on perfection.
It’s built on clarity, courage, and the ability to move before everything feels certain.